Here's my updated Previsualisation for the animated short: 'The Secret Life of a House Robot'.
I still need to add in some sound effects, mainly the voices of the characters in my animation. The Robot doesn't speak, but the homeowner gives instructions and threats in the beginning, The TV later mentions the Hoover in the corner of the room during an advert as well.
All sound effects have been taken from the following websites and are temporary;
SoundBible - http://soundbible.com/2077-Toke-And-Exhale.html
freeSFX - http://www.freesfx.co.uk/
FindSounds - http://www.findsounds.com/ISAPI/search.dll?keywords=door+slam
On watching this back, I personally feel that it needs a better way to introduce the scene, i feel i could do this by swooping along the room slowly while an advert for house robots plays in the background.
With each new iteration, your story is becoming more communicated, and your staging more dynamic - but you've got some way to go still, Adam - so here are my thoughts on V3:
ReplyDeleteYou're right - you still haven't nailed the set-up of your environment and spatial relations in the opening scene: right now, you've got the sofa dead centre and the robot centrally in front of that and it just looks very odd visually - if necessary move the position of the front door, so the view opens up more engagingly.
I think it would help matters, if when the 'owner' is finished giving the instructions and the door slams, we should see the door close as if from the owner's perspective - in other words, the door slams to 'finish' this shot, closing off the audiences view of the robot and the interior of room and thus concluding this shot. You can use this to cut from the 'outside' and back to the interior - perhaps a shot of the camera behind the robot looking with him at the now closed door; as we watch the robot turn around, looks into the camera and gives us a mischievous smile or whatever.
Nowhere is it clear to the audience that a) there's a television in the room or b) that the robot is actually watching it - I know this is due in part to their being no sound, but I think it would help if you included a shot from the robot's POV from the sofa or similar to make it absolutely clear that is what he's doing. Likewise, you need to actually include a shot of the hoover commercial playing on the television - show us the television, show us the advert playing on the television, otherwise this isn't going to play out:
so, something like:
1) Robot is watching the television: we hear the beginnings of the hoover advert; we see the light reflected on the robot's face.
2) Cut to Robot POV of television, on which advert is playing, introducing the new hoover.
3) Cut to Robot's expression of dreamy delight as we hear the advert talk track describing the 'modern curves' and 'powerful suction action'
4) Cut to close-up of tv screen, on which we see Hoover appliance being demonstrated.
5) Cut back to Robot - a bit closer to his face this face, his eyes very wide; he's in rhapsody!
6) Cut back to television - we hear 'Mail Order Only - Free Delivery - the X3000'
7) Cut back to Robot - and we see slow realisation on his face - 'The Box in the corner!'
8) Shot from behind sofa (as if from the box's POV) as robot turns his head in its direction.
9) Robot's POV of box in corner - the camera tracks slowly towards it.
10) Cut to Robot's face - as a antennae rises up out of head and starts to spark...
If you see what's happening here - how the intercutting is allowing the audience to follow the story and is invited to share the thoughts of your character.
I like the 'spot light' staging - but just look at your framing throughout, Adam - you've got a tendency to frame shots in a haphazard way - notice the clipping of the robot's head in the 'hand kissing' scene, for example - you need to be much more particular in terms of the composition of your shots. You don't seem to be thinking about how each shot needs to look great, and how the camera always needs motivate and purpose in terms of how it moves and where it starts and where it finishes. I want you to look again at ALL your framing/composition and make sure that every shot is as cleanly composed and pleasing as possible.